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Most little girls grow up dreaming of being a mom, but hardly any of them dream of becoming a stepmom. Nevertheless, approximately one million new stepfamilies are created every year.
It’s no secret, being a stepmother can be a living nightmare. But it can also be an enriching and rewarding experience—one that God can use to strengthen you, helping you survive and even thrive in the toughest job you never asked for.
Written by two women who are stepmothers themselves—and know the difficulties of helping to raise someone else’s children—this book is filled with down-to-earth insights and advice for stepmothers from stepmothers. It also offers expert guidance from pastors and counselors on such issues as roles, expectations, realistic goals, organization, finances, holidays, vacations, relationships with stepchildren, negotiation, forgiveness, healing the past, building a strong marriage with stepchildren on the scene, dealing with in-laws and ex-spouses, sexual tensions in stepfamilies, health, depression, stress, and much more.
While there is no magic formula to guarantee stepmother success, encouragement and practical wisdom are available in this much-needed resource.
- Sales Rank: #319897 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-02-19
- Released on: 2015-02-19
- Format: Kindle eBook
From the Back Cover
Welcome to the club! The stepmom club, that is.
But I’m NOT a Wicked Stepmother! is the go-to book for any woman who wants to succeed as a stepmother. Authors Kathi Lipp and Carol Boley, stepmoms themselves, offer straight talk to help women blend two families into a cohesive unit, while maintaining sanity in the process. With humor and a down-to-earth style, these authors share their own personal stories and those of other stepmoms and experts along the way. Every chapter captures a realistic view of stepmotherhood and offers plenty of help and hope.
You’ll learn from a wide range of topics how to:
- communicate clearly
- set up step-systems that work
- define your role in the family
- protect your marriage
- seek and accept forgiveness
- connect to God’s heart
Written with understanding and tried-and-true advice from women who’ve been in the trenches, this book is an indispensable tool for those in transition.
About the Author
Kathi and Roger Lipp have been happily married for 10 years and are the parents of four young adults. Kathi is the author of twelve books and is a national speaker at retreats, conferences, and women s events across the US. She is often featured on Focus on the Family, MOPS International, and Crosswalk.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
'But, I'm not a Wicked Stepmother,' the go-to book for step parenting success...
By Gail Welborn
"Blended," formerly a word more associated with recipes than families, today describes ex-mom and dads with children who remarry with the expectation of “becoming one big happy family.” They often don't understand their new family may be a minefield of disappointments, unmet expectations and jealousy when their unrealistic expectations meet the “reality of step-family” living.
"There's something about these step-situations that makes a sane person act in some not-so-sane ways," writes co-authors Carol Boley and Kathi Lipp in their March 2 release, But I'm NOT a Wicked Stepmother! from Tyndale House Publishers
Kathi Lipp, step-mom, author and podcast host of So Here's the Thing with Kathi Lipp joins with former news reporter, feature writer, and stop-mom, Carol Boley to pen an important, much-needed, “go-to” book that reveals their "secrets of successful blended families." They write with the voice of experience about the challenges of "conflicting parenting styles, threatened ex-spouses, role confusion, power struggles, jealousy, custody battles" and more.
In the chapter titled, "It's Not (All) Abut the Kids," Kathi writes, "It's not about trying harder...it's about trusting harder." It's about believing God has a plan and purpose for your life, your husbands life and the lives of the children in your care. In other words, she writes, "It's about your (the step-parent's) relationship with God."
Carol focuses on words of encouragement in another chapter, "Say This, Not That" where she endorses Proverbs 18:21’s wise words, "the tongue has the power of life and death." Besides many specific examples of affirming words and phrases, she includes nine words never to use, Scriptures for daily self-affirmation and words for compromise, encouragement and appreciation.
She also features a handy chart with examples of what to say and not say when feelings run high, such as:
Stepchild: "You're not my real mom!"
Don't say, "Praise God!"
Instead say: "You're right."
Kathi and Carol capture a realistic view of step motherhood that appreciates the emotional baggage and scars that make blended marriages difficult. Their practical illustrations and suggestions from experts, other step moms and their own experiences include personal experiences with specific suggestions for "house rules, group texts and household calendars."
They both admit “the step-mom thing is hard,” yet they write, “Don’t panic, stay focused on God and His Book of Instructions,” because “God is greater than your problems.”
If you’re a step parent dealing with anger, guilt and transition issues who is sometimes treated like a “step-monster,” But I'm NOT a Wicked Stepmother! belongs on your book shelf. Although the humorous title targets step-moms, Kathi and Carol’s excellent advice applies to any stepparent relationship, father, mother or child and I recommend it as a ten star read!
'But I'm NOT a Wicked Stepmother!: Secrets of Successful Blended Families,' by Kathi Lip & Carol Boley, Focus on the Family/Tyndale Publishing, March 1-2015, 240 Pages, 978-1589978010, $14.99
Midwest Book Reviews "Gail's Bookshelf" 2-2015
Pinterest: GailWelborn
Twitter: @GailWelborn
FaceBook: Gail Welborn
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
A breath of fresh air! Encouraging and Relational Rather than Critical and Instructional
By whatwordscannotexpress(dot)weebly(dot)com
As a stepmother for the last 9 and 1/2 years, who recently experienced a drastic dynamic shift within our family, I was hoping to find encouragement when I ordered this book. And authenticity. Oh, how I find comfort in down-to-earth REAL sharing of experiences, including flops and failures as well as those mountain-top moments. I found what I hoped for- this book is a gem on a subject where there are far more critical and instructional books than there are uplifting and relational ones. The authors "get" it. Even to the point of acknowledging that they can't possibly understand our circumstance as a reader since blended families are so vastly unique.
What a breath of fresh air. To read someone else has felt the way I feel, thought the things I've thought and maybe even tried some of the techniques I've tried. Some portions of this book made me laugh out loud, such as the following excerpt regarding things we don't understand until we've been a stepmom for a while:
"Your assumption that if you're nie and respectful to your stepkids, his ex-wife, and her family, they will be nice back is blown out of the water."
"Your assumption that you will want to be nice and respectful all the time is also not a reality."
Humor is not the only way that authors Kathi Lipp & Carol Boley minister to stepmom's hearts in their book. They also dole out some much, much needed encouraging truth. I want to caution you from thinking, "This book isn't for me," if you aren't a Christian. Though I share quotes here that relate to Christianity, because they touched my heart, the whole of the book is not a giant sermon. There are stories from stepmoms and stepchildren, there are encouraging and practical words to heal your hurts and guide your stumbling. This journey is hard; we need companionship. If you don't have a step-mom to share your woes, worries and victories with, find a friend in this book, you won't regret it. Here are the truths I needed to internalize:
"Perhaps hardest of all, we have had neither a realistic way to measure our success nor many guidelines to get there. Most stepmothers told me they didn't consider themselves success stories. Why? Because their relationships with their stepchildren weren't all they wanted them to be, even though they had done many of the right things to build strong relationships.
You may feel the same way. But I have good news for you: Your success does not depend on the outcome of your stepmothering effeorts. your success depends only on those things you can control- your attitudes, words, and actions (including the choice to accept God's grace and love). Your success as a stepmother does not- indeed, cannot- depend on those things which you can't control, including the actions of your stepchildren. You can be a sucessful stepmother regardless of how they think, act, or speak."
[Dr. Chip Moody states:] "As a pastor, I have listened to hundreds of moms confessing their mom-guilt, as though being a mom should somehow make a woman omniscient when it comes to every need of this alien stranger she is raising. And if mom is a stepmom, you triple the sense of self-loathing. She feels as though every mistake is counted and no grace afforded. Bad enough that stepmoms question every move they make; it's worse that they do not enjoy the grace of God in their parenting."
"In my research, I discovered that most stepmothers are quicker to grant forgiveness to others than to accept it for themselves. Tired of trying to forgive yourself? Of course you are. It's a backbreaking, wearisome burden. So please, quit trying. You may be surprised to learn that forgiving yourself isn't necessary. ... If we could forgive ourselves, why would we need Jesus? .... The idea that our own forgiveness is what will truly set us free is just another way the enemy tries to take our focus off Jesus and put it back on ourselves."
I love this book so much; I plan to share it with the other stepmoms I know and meet in the future. I plan to purchase a copy to put on our church library shelf as well.
*** In the interest of full disclosure, I would like to mention that a copy of this book was given to me courtesy of Tyndale House Publishers for the purpose of reviewing. I was not obligated to give a favorable review, the opinions are mine.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Blending families can be a difficult period of adjustment
By sherwilson @ Simply Sherryl
Blending families can be a difficult period of adjustment, to put it lightly. Depending on how many kids, the reason behind the previous marriage ending, any on-going tension, etc can really play a role in this transition from yours and mine to ours. The book, But I’m NOT a Wicked Stepmother, by Kathi Lipp & Carol Boley, covers these situations and has great advice for moms who become stepmoms.
I was a stepmom myself until I legally adopted my husband’s children from a previous marriage. It wasn’t easy, especially because in our case we not only got married but then moved from Florida to Ohio! So we were dealing with the whole family blending operation as well as getting the family settled into a totally new area with new schools, friends, and little family near by.
Needless to say, it worked out in the end and most of my children live near by to us. But it was tough for a while, and I can’t imagine how some women do it when I hear their tales of drama. But this book seemed to cover most situations that I could think would come up for most of us, from dealing with finances, in-laws, ex-spouses, visitation, and much more!
The authors are stepmoms themselves, so they know a lot of the problems that are inherent in the whole step-parenting situation. It’s filled with loving advice, light humor, examples of possible conversations and what not to say, as well as plenty of suggestions and resources as you continue to adjust to this new relationship of being a stepmother to someone else’s child.
Throughout the book, Kathi & Carol, also help us turn to Scripture and the Lord to rely on for guidance, strength and peace to make it through. After all, there’s no problem so big that He can’t handle it, right?
I’d recommend this book for any soon-to-be stepmoms or anyone now struggling with these issues once the child(ren) grow older and are rebelling, using the “you’re not my mom” argument.
Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from Tyndale House Publishers through their blogger reading program.
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